Here are the things I learned from “Hansel & Gretel:
Witch Hunters”. Good witches are pretty, nice, and will have sex with you in a
magical pond. Bad witches look like they’re into black metal, dress poorly, and
give you diabetes. So, if nothing else, you’ll walk away with a couple of
important life lessons under your belt. Those are the most important things to
know about “Hansel & Gretel”, and as you’ve probably gathered, it’s utterly
ridiculous. It’s also way more fun than an oft-delayed pseudo-horror film
buried in the end of January has any right to be.
