Thursday, March 30, 2017

Ben Wheatley's 'Freakshift' Has The Best Description Ever

The phrase “new Ben Wheatley movie” is more than enough to grab my attention. So, as I wait for the British director’s Free Fire to drop early next month, I can’t help but look towards Freakshift. It recently cast Alicia Vikander in the lead, which is great and all, but Wheatley just dropped the best single-line description I’ve ever heard.

The BoneBat Comedy Of Horrors Film Festival Is Almost Here

We’re not even four full months in and this has already been the rainiest year in, I don’t know, ever. Holy crap it’s wet and dark and dank and miserable outside. You know how to combat that? By spending an entire Saturday sitting inside and watching horror movies and drinking beer, that’s how. In Seattle, this means it’s once again time for the BoneBat “Comedy of Horrors” Film Festival, which runs April 8 from 1pm to 12am at SIFF Cinema Uptown.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

'Raw' (2016) Movie Review

If you intend to see the French teenage cannibal movie Raw, maybe don’t make dinner plans for immediately afterwards. Writer/director Julia Ducournau’s stunning debut is unsettling to say the least, and most viewers will have to—I can’t believe I’m doing this already—let this one digest.

Stephen King's 'It' Trailer Sends In The Clown

Cards on the table, I’ve never read Stephen King’s It. I know, I know, it’s a classic, feel free to chastise me. I’m adequately ashamed, to the point where I just ordered a used copy online. Happy now? That said, damn this first trailer for Andres Muschietti’s (Mama) adaptation is creepy AF.

Luc Besson's 'Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets' Trailer May Melt Your Retinas

Holy fuck balls. Everyone chirping that Luc Besson’s Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets looks like The Fifth Element best hold onto their butts, because while there are certainly parallel elements, Valerian looks more like The Fifth Element jacked out of its mind on meth, with a handful of mushrooms as a kicker.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

'Here Alone' (2016) Movie Review

In the event of some catastrophic event or general cinematic post-apocalyptic scenario, I would die so fast. I’m not woodsy, nor am I any type of survivalist. I wouldn’t know what to eat—or more importantly, what not to eat—how start a fire, where to find shelter, or any of the things necessary to stay alive for much longer than it takes a pack of feral dogs to tear me apart. Maybe I’d rise to the occasion and eek out a meager existence, which is what the protagonist of Rod Blackhurst’s (Amanda Knox) apocalyptic indie, Here Alone, manages to do.

Scott Adkins To Kick Everyone In The Head, In Space, In Sci-Fi Actioner 'Incoming'

Seriously, does Scott Adkins ever sleep? Every time I turn on the computer I feel like I see news that he’s headlining a new low-budget actioner, and he still has time to show up in big shit like Doctor Strange. Not that I’m complaining, the world needs as many Scott Adkins movies as we can get, and his new sci-fi thriller, Incoming, sounds awesome.

Spider-Man Shouldn't Mess With Michael Keaton In New 'Spider-Man: Homecoming' Trailer

I know it’s hard to get excited for a third Spider-Man franchise in the last decade and a half, especially given that the previous endeavor was so lackluster. (Okay, it’s not that hard.) And if the fact that the Wall Crawler is back in Marvel’s hands where he belongs, or his appearance in Captain America: Civil War didn’t do it for you, this new Spider-Man: Homecoming trailer should do the trick.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Gawk At Jake Gyllenhaal's Snazzy Mustache In Bong Joon-Ho's 'Okja,' Plus Plot Details

Snowpiercer mastermind Bong Joon-ho making a giant monster movie is automatically an event worth celebrating. His The Host is one of the greatest modern creature features, so his upcoming Okja is high up on my list of “oh hell yeah” movies. And if that’s not enough to stoke the fires, hopefully this photo of Jake Gyllenhaal and his delightful mustache will do the trick. (There are also a few other photos and a long, detailed plot synopsis, which are all great, but I’d watch any movie for this particular Gyllenhaal steez alone.)

Friday, March 24, 2017

New 'The Handmaid's Tale' Trailer Is A Damn Scorcher

I cancelled my Hulu subscription recently. There’s great stuff available, but between other services and an increasing lack of free time, I simply didn’t use it enough to justify another expense. But I think I jumped the gun, based largely on The Handmaid’s Tale. Their adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s all-too-plausible dystopian nightmare already had my attention, but holy hell, this new trailer is all of the fire emojis.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

'Life' (2017) Movie Review

Daniel Espinosa’s sci-fi thriller Life is pure trash; pure, delicious, empty calorie-filled, delightful junk food trash. Not original in any way, and dumb as a box of really stupid rocks, it’s way more fun than it has any right to be. Even the “We were better off alone” tagline practically screams exactly what this movie is.

'The Lure' (2015) Movie Review

I know that there are droves of Rocky Horror Picture Show devotees out there, but while that cult classic has a place in my heart, for my money there is no movie musical more bat-shit crazy than the 1980 Cannon Films joint The Apple. Thank you, Menahem Golan, you magnificent, lunatic bastard. It easily ranks in my top ten films of all time, no question.

UPDATED: This 'Alien: Covenant' Poster Is Straight Up Terrifying. And Perfect

In the last Alien: Covenant trailer, we get the line, “The path to paradise begins in hell,” and a new poster for the Ridley Scott-directed sci-fi nightmare certainly drives that point home with gusto. Check it out below.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

'Bokeh' (2017) Movie Review

Waking up one morning to find that everyone else in the world has disappeared has been a sci-fi staple since day one. Writing/directing duo Andrew Sullivan and Geoffrey Orthwein tackle this subgenre with their feature length debut, Bokeh, and though the film is amiable enough, thanks largely to its leads, it offers little in the way of freshness or insight and ultimately plays like an overlong Twilight Zone episode.

Netflix Passes A Creepy First Trailer For Adam Wingard's 'Death Note'

Cards on the table, I know nothing about Death Note. It’s apparently a super popular manga, which isn’t really my scene and explains why I know nothing about it. I do, however, know a thing or two about Adam Wingard, and those things are more than enough to get me excited for anything he’s involved with. (Even though Blair Witch was a total waste of time, The Guest and You’re Next suffice to bolster my enthusiasm.) Wingard’s Death Note adaptation hits Netflix later this year, and the streaming giant just dropped a first trailer.

Monday, March 20, 2017

'Dig Two Graves' (2017) Movie Review

Our parents gave all of us some version of the “don’t talk to strangers” speech. This should go double, maybe triple, when a gyspy moonshiner in a top hat wants you follow him into the woods with his two brothers, one who looks like a caveman in overalls and another wearing a deer skin like a hillbilly shawl. Nothing good comes from making that choice. Then again, if the protagonist of Dig Two Graves made the smart decision, we wouldn’t have much of a movie.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

'Personal Shopper' (2016) Movie Review

Maybe the most impressive thing about Olivier Assayas’ Personal Shopper is that like half the movie takes place via text message and it didn’t annoy the living shit out of me. Seriously, we probably spend more time reading words on Kristen Stewart’s cell phone, as her character communicates with an unknown stalker, than we do listening to her speak. Yet somehow the result is tense and atmospheric instead of straight up obnoxious.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, Tiger Chen, Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, And Michael Bisping Are Making A Movie Together

Cinematic face-breakers Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, and Tiger Chen have been trying to work on a film together for a while now. They had Makeshift Squad, billed as an “Asian Expendables,” lined up, but that has yet to materialize. After that, we heard reports of Triple Threat, to be directed by John Wick: Chapter 2 helmer Chad Stahelski. That also failed to get off the starting blocks. But the trio of preeminent movie martial artists are back at it again, reportedly attached to a new project, also titled Triple Threat, and they’re bringing reinforcements in the form of Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, and UFC Middleweight champion Michael Bisping. Yeah, It’s like they asked me what I want in a movie and did exactly what I said. It almost brings a tear to my eye it’s so beautiful.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Two International 'Free Fire' Trailers Use All Of The Bullets

Any time Ben Wheatley makes a movie it’s going to be near the top of my must-see list, regardless of what genre umbrella it falls under. And the idea of the genre-bending maniac Brit responsible for Kill List, High-Rise, and Sightseers making a 90-minute shootout is more than enough to make me sweat. And if I wasn’t psyched enough, two new international trailers for Wheatley’s latest, Free Fire, more than do the trick—this includes a Japanese trailer that’s totally bananas.

Friday, March 10, 2017

The 'Atomic Blonde' Red Band Trailer Is Here And It's The Best Thing You'll See Today, Probably All Week

John Wick assured that anytime stuntmen-turned-co-directors Chad Stahelski and David Leitch do anything, I will watch the living hell out of it. Leitch didn’t return for John Wick: Chapter 2 (which did not disappoint) largely because he was flying solo on the now-titled Atomic Blonde, which just dropped a trailer and, yeah, I am 100% holy shit in love with this Cold War actioner already. Stop what you’re doing and watch it right this moment.

Meet Michael Fassbender's Eerie Android In This 'Alien: Covenant' Video

Okay, I’m beyond pumped for Alien: Covenant. I’m giddy that we’re just a few months away from a new, Ridley Scott-directed visit to the land of Xenomorphs and Face Huggers. But as jazzed as I am about this whole situation, the marketing has been way hit and miss. The first trailer was okay, bloody shower sex scene and all, but that prologue was whack as shit. Then the latest trailer made me giggle and squeal with vicious delight, but this latest viral video does absolutely nothing. Unless you care about how they make Michael Fassbender’s new android Walter.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

The Latest 'The Fate Of The Furious' Trailer Is More Absurd Than You Ever Dreamed Possible

As long as they keep cranking out Fast & Furious movies, and as long as they continue to spiral into insanity, I’ll keep watching. And if you thought Furious 7, with it’s CGI Paul Walker and cars jumping from building to building and parachuting out of cargo planes was bonkers, well, you need to watch the new Fate of the Furious trailer. I don’t even know what they’re doing anymore, but hot damn do I love it. Seriously, there’s a submarine in a car chase, what more can a growing boy ask for?

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

'Kong: Skull Island' (2017) Movie Review

Back in 2013, director Jordon Vogt-Roberts made one of my favorite movies of that year, The Kings of Summer, a quiet, tender indie coming-of-age picture. It’s bittersweet, built on relatable characters, and subtly portrays the moment where youthful innocence collides with the hard reality of growing up. And because every young white male director who makes a moderately successful independent picture automatically gets his own blockbuster franchise, he was handed the reins to Kong: Skull Island. And he made the exact opposite of that movie.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

This 'The Void' Trailer May Warp Your Fragile Little Mind

Horror has been strong so far this year, what with Get Out, The Girl with All the Gifts, Split, and more hitting the airwaves, and it’s only going to get better. The Void has been on our radar since Fantastic Fest, and as it creeps ever closer to release, there’s a new domestic trailer to warp your fragile little mind.

Friday, March 3, 2017

This 'Raw' Clip Will Make You Want To Peel Off Your Own Skin

A French cannibal movie that’s so graphic and disturbing people walked out of the theater during its film festival premiere? Yes, please. A movie like Julia Ducournau’s Raw already has my undivided attention. I’m not usually too squeamish when it comes to horror, but with this new clip, you get a stomach-churning taste of what compelled multiple viewers to beat a hasty retreat. Let’s just say, it’s impressively icky, and not in a purely gratuitous gore kind of way, it’s just icky.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

'Headshot' (2016) Movie Review

If movies have taught me nothing—and let’s be fair, movies have taught me most things—it’s that you never, never, ever mess with an amnesiac. Every last one is a secret badass ready to take you apart by muscle memory alone. And that’s certainly the case in Headshot. The set up is strictly Bourne, but the Indonesian directing duo, the Mo Brothers—Kimo Stamboel and Timo Tjahjanto, who also wrote the script—deliver bonkers action on a level we don’t often encounter.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

'Creepy' (2016) Movie Review

It’s a bold choice to title a horror thriller Creepy. But with that overt wink to the audience, Japanese director Kiyoshi Kurosawa (Pulse, Cure, Tokyo Sonata) dives right into a Hitchcockian tale of psychopaths and serial killers.

UPDATED: Watch New 'Alien: Covenant' And 'Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2' Trailers

While the real world continued its descent into a once-thought-fictional dystopia, it turns out last night was one hell of a night for trailers for science fiction movies. Both Alien: Covenant and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 dropped new trailers, and both are goddamn fantastic, albeit for very different reasons. Take a gander at both after the jump.