'The 355' (2022) Movie Review

The big hook for The 355 is the insane cast. Director Simon Kinberg assembled an epic level of talent that includes Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong’o, Diane Kruger, Penelope Cruz, Bingbing Fan, Sebastian Stan, Edgar Ramirez, and Jason Flemyng, all chasing after a MacGuffin box in a globetrotting spy caper. And the result it wildly just okay.

'Murder On The Orient Express' (2017) Movie Review

This first paragraph has little to do with the movie we’ll be discussing today. We’ll get to that, but I have to get something off my chest first. Multiple times walking out of Kenneth Branagh’s adaptation of Murder on the Orient Express, which, admittedly, isn’t great, I overheard people ask, “Have you heard of her before?” Her being AGATHA FUCKING CHRISTIE. Only the most celebrated mystery writer of all fucking time. Apologies, I needed to yell about that for a moment. I’m rage hyperventilating just thinking about it. Onward.

Movie Review: 'Zoolander 2'

Some long-gestating movie sequels turn out to be great. Just last year we got both Mad Max: Fury Road and Creed. In the years between chapters the filmmakers took the time to get things right and not sully the name of the originals. Others, however, well, they suck, and they suck hard. One of these is Zoolander 2, which is a tedious, tired, brutally unfunny, single-note disaster that took 15 years to get here. I wish it’d taken longer, like until after I'm dead.