“Pain &
Gain” is like watching a Day-Glo roid-rage explosion that will pump your pecks
at the same time it shrivels your nards. This is what happens when you
incorporate the phrases “Michael Bay” and “fact based” into the same movie. The
film is a continual series of absurd events and poor decisions, each one more
insane than the last. At one point the film pauses, and—over a freeze frame of
a coked-out, jacked up Dwayne Johnson grilling human hands—it reminds you that
this is still based on a true story. All I can say is that Bay’s reality must
be a sight to behold. Oh to see the world through his gilded eyes.
