The phrase “new Ben Wheatley movie” is more than enough to
grab my attention. So, as I wait for the British director’s Free Fire to drop early next month, I can’t help but look towards
Freakshift. It recently cast Alicia Vikander in the lead,
which is great and all, but Wheatley just dropped the best single-line
description I’ve ever heard.
We’re not even four full months in and this has already been
the rainiest year in, I don’t know, ever. Holy crap it’s wet and dark and dank
and miserable outside. You know how to combat that? By spending an entire Saturday
sitting inside and watching horror movies and drinking beer, that’s how. In
Seattle, this means it’s once again time for the BoneBat “Comedy of Horrors” Film Festival, which runs April 8 from 1pm to 12am at SIFF Cinema Uptown.
If you intend to see the French teenage cannibal movie
Raw, maybe don’t make dinner plans for immediately
afterwards. Writer/director Julia Ducournau’s stunning debut is unsettling to
say the least, and most viewers will have to—I can’t believe I’m doing this
already—let this one digest.
Cards on the table, I’ve never read Stephen King’s
It. I know, I know, it’s a classic, feel free to chastise
me. I’m adequately ashamed, to the point where I just ordered a used copy
online. Happy now? That said, damn this first trailer for Andres Muschietti’s
(Mama) adaptation is creepy AF.
Holy fuck balls. Everyone chirping that Luc Besson’s
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets looks like
The Fifth Element best hold onto their butts, because while
there are certainly parallel elements, Valerian looks more
like The Fifth Element jacked out of its mind on meth, with
a handful of mushrooms as a kicker.
In the event of some catastrophic event or general cinematic
post-apocalyptic scenario, I would die so fast. I’m not woodsy, nor am I any
type of survivalist. I wouldn’t know what to eat—or more importantly, what not
to eat—how start a fire, where to find shelter, or any of the things necessary
to stay alive for much longer than it takes a pack of feral dogs to tear me
apart. Maybe I’d rise to the occasion and eek out a meager existence, which is
what the protagonist of Rod Blackhurst’s (Amanda Knox)
apocalyptic indie, Here Alone, manages to do.
Seriously, does Scott Adkins ever sleep? Every time I turn
on the computer I feel like I see news that he’s headlining a new low-budget
actioner, and he still has time to show up in big shit like Doctor Strange. Not that I’m complaining, the world needs as many Scott
Adkins movies as we can get, and his new sci-fi thriller,
Incoming, sounds awesome.
