'xXx: Return Of Xander Cage' (2017) Movie Review

xXx: Return of Xander Cage is nonsense garbage. But holy shit if it isn’t the most entertaining nonsense garbage I’ve seen in some time. Sit down, strap in, and prepare turn the person in the next seat and ask, “what?” repeatedly. All while wearing an irrepressible idiot grin from ear to ear.

'xXx: Return Of Xander Cage' Trailers: Vin Diesel Breaks A Gun And Wishes Us A Merry Freakin' Christmas

Wait, what? Vin Diesel casually breaks a gun over his thigh like it’s nothing? That’s some next level Bo Jackson shit right there. Okay, xXx: Return of Xander Cage, if you didn’t already have my attention, you sure as hell do after the latest in a line of absurd trailers.

'xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage' Trailer Skis In The Jungle And Rides A Motorcycle On Water

Considering how much I have come to adore Vin Diesel for his over-the-top action spectacles, the fact that seems like a genuine, earnest dude, and his deep commitment to being a complete and utter nerd, his 2002 actioner xXx is not one I’ve ever been able to get behind. It’s not one of his finest moments. But apparently there was enough interest to make xXx: The Return of Xander Cage happen. (More accurately, Diesel had enough interest—the man has an endearing force of will to make whatever the hell he wants happen.) The unnecessary film just dropped its first trailer. The result is bugnuts fucking crazy and I’m now 100% enamored.

Jet Li And Tony Jaa Will Pummel Vin Diesel In 'xXx 3'

If we’re being entirely honest, I have no idea why, in 2016 (in case you were curious, yes, I typed 2015 first), we’re talking about a xXx sequel, but here we are. As much as I love questionable action fare, the 2002 Vin Diesel-fronted, XTREME sports-centric flick is a total turd. It’s even more of a Mountain Dew commercial than the new Point Break (though it does still make me laugh that the villains are a group called Anarchy 99, that shit is gold). But apparently Vin Diesel wants this to happen, and when he puts him mind to it, things get done (see Riddick). And while it’s hard to condone this, they’ve added some legitimate badasses to the cast.